List of posts by Festus
This is the page of TheSlap.com posts from Festus. Posts *'Festus:' Don't believe the rumors. The Grub Truck DOES NOT have a rat infestation. *'Festus:' The Grub Truck will be serving Filet Mignon today to the first 2 lucky customers. The rest of you get frozen burritos. *'Festus:' Hey Buddies! I, Festus, am on TheSlap. Come to my page for all the latest Grub Truck news. *'Festus: '''Going on Vacation to Hawaii!!! My family wants me to come to Yerba, but that place is a dump. **'Tori:' Festus, btw, thanks for the heads up! **'Festus: No problem. **'Tori: '''THAT WAS ME BEING SARCASTIC! *'Festus: Still in Hawaii living it up! Anyone want me to bring them back something? **'Sikowitz: '''Coconuts! Bring me some fresh Hawaiian coconuts!!! *'Festus: What should I serve at the Grub Truck this week? Ravioli, Grilled Cheese, or Fish-Eye Jelly? They all sound so good I can't decide! **'Tori: '''Fish-Eye Jelly? Seriously? **'Festus: Don't knock it 'til you've tried it. *'Festus: '''Did you know that you're not allowed to keep chickens in your apartment in LA? What kind of backwards city is this? *'Festus: The school won't let me set up a giant pigeon trap on the roof of the Grub Truck. Such a shame, pigeon meat is delicious. *'Festus: '''I put a tip jar in the order window. You don't have to tip, but if you don't, you probably won't get your food. *'Festus: 'The Grub Truck is in the shop. In the meantime, I've set up a Grub Tent. It's not as good, but it's not like you can eat anywhere else. *'Festus: 'Has anyone here ever tried frog's legs? Wrong! If you've had the "chicken" at the Grub Truck... then you have! *'Festus: 'I'm out sick today so the Grub Truck is closed! Please stop knocking on the window. It's annoying. **'Tori: 'Wait, You're sick INSIDE the Grub Truck? **'Jade: 'Ewww... Don't you have an apartment? **'Festus: 'Yes, but the Grub Truck is nicer. *'Festus: Today's Special Is: Nothing. Why do you Americans think you deserve something new every day? *'Festus:' I hate people who bring their own lunch to school. It's like you guys don't want me to be able to afford cable. *'Festus:' I'm proud to announce that the Grub Truck has now gone 14 days without a food poisoning incident. It's a new record! *'Festus:' Where is everybody? Is school closed this week? Please let me know so I can eat all these burritos myself. *'Festus:' Got some big plans for the Grub Truck in 2012. I'm changing Mystery Meat Monday to Mystery Meat Wednesday! Always an adventure! *'Festus:' It's lunchtime! Just think, everything you're eating right now was alive a week ago! **Tori: Once again, there goes my appetite. **Jade: Festus, you're my kind of guy. *'Festus': Hold on? You're supposed to pay taxes? Can I borrow $4000 from anyone? *'Festus:' I need to work out. Anyone got any exercise programs where I wouldn't need to leave the couch or stop eating? *'Festus:' Don't belive what you hear. The Health Department DID NOT shut down the grub truck..... they just give us a very stern talking to *'Festus:' Why are people so surprised when I put mayonnaise on my burritos? Have you tried it?Its delicious *'Festus: '''In honor of Easter, The Grub Truck is serving up rabbit stew **'Tori: That's horrible! You can't serve rabbit on Easter! **'Andre: '''Yeah you don't want to offend the Easter Bunny. *'Festus: 'Uh, I mean vegetable stew! Absolutely no rabbit at all......even if it taste like it *'Festus: 'Today's Special: Garbage Chicken. Chicken stuffed with Friday's leftovers. Mmm... Gross! *'Festus: 'It's Italian Wednesday at the Grub Truck! All the enchiladas you can eat! *'Festus: 'Pay no attention to the health warning sign on the Grub Truck window, it's just there for decoration. **'Tori: 'The Grub Truck was given a "D" by the health department?! **'Festus: 'The "D" stands for Delicious! *'Festus: 'It's finger food day at the Grub Truck! Come on down for some hot clam chowder! **'Tori: 'Clam chowder is NOT finger food! **'Festus: 'Yeah, well, I ran out of spoons. *'Festus: 'Today's special: Veggie Burgers with Bacon! **'Tori: 'Doesn't that kind of defeat the point? *'Festus: 'I'm kind of sick today. Hopefully no one ate the handmade quesadillas. **'Robbie: 'That was the only thing on the menu! **'Festus: 'Oops. *'Festus: Hope you guys enjoyed today's mashed potatoes! Fun Fact: They contained no actual potatoes! **'Cat': Then what was in it? **'Festus': My little secret. **'Tori': I'm so scared right now. *'Festus:' I was going to make my famous burritos today, but I'm all out of mayonnaise. Sorry kids. **'Andre:' Wait… you put mayo in your burritos? **'Festus:' Yep. It's the secret ingredient. **'Beck:' Well, you've totally ruined Mexican food for me. Thanks. *'Festus:' Fish is always best served a few days after it is caught. Like 9 days or more. **'Andre: '''I don't think that's true. **'Festus:' Well, that's all I got. *'Festus:' I accidentally dropped a watermelon seed in my couch months ago and now a vine is growing through the cushions! Guess what's for lunch?! *'Festus': How do they get airline food to taste so good? Man, I gotta learn their secrets. *'Festus:' @ the smog check place. Apparently the Grub Truck is "dangerously smoggy." Their words, not mine. *'Festus:' Apparently gummy bear isn't considered a meat. I have to go run to the store before lunch starts. *'Festus:' My waffle maker is broken, so just pretend the pancakes are waffles today and stop complaining. *'Festus:' There are so many wild cats in the Hollywood Arts parking lot. And cat meat is illegal in the U.S. Such a waste. *'Festus:' You haven't lived until you've had my famous butter milkshakes. The secret is the butter. *'Festus:' It's so hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk. Which is exactly how I made your breakfasts this morning! Surprise! *'Festus: ' You people need to buy more meatloaf! I always eat all of the Grub Truck's leftovers and I HATE meatloaf. **'Andre:' You could always NOT eat the leftovers. **'Festus:' I don't make the rules here buddy. *'Festus:I submerge my submarine sandwiches in a bucket of water before serving them. It makes them more like a real submarine. *'Festus:'Thanksgiving Eve. The night when the Great Turkey comes down the chimney and puts green bean casserole in our stockings. **'Tori:'That's actually not how we celebrate Thanksgiving -- AT ALL. *'''Festus: I'm always making food for you kids. Why don't you cook for me for a change!?! *'Festus:' I can't wait to get married because I hate trimming my nose hairs all by myself. *'Festus:' Free lunch for whoever remembered my birthday yesterday!!! Oh that's right, no one remembered! No free lunches for anyone! Category:Quotes Category:TheSlap.com